Tu Dia! (Written for The Writer's Tower, July 2014, Theme : Paradox)

  It'a Saturday morning and I wake up at 6.30am. Just because I received a call from Zamir yesterday at 10.00pm asking me to participate in a game show. 

  "You will be paid."

 I have exams next Monday but it's not like I'm going to study, so why not? And I am an extremely money-minded person. The only things that I am willing to do for free are writing and acting. And singing too; but then again, I don't think anyone will want to listen to my singing even if I pay them to, given my ability to make Michael Jackson's Beat It sounds like opera.

  And Adam Lambert will die from a very severe case of heart attack if he ever hears me singing No Boundaries. Too many boundaries in my vocals. 

  Anyway, I told him I will be there at 8.15am sharp.

  When my alarm clock rings and refuses to shut up because in my sleepiness I keep pressing the snooze button, I curse myself for agreeing to participate.

  This better be good. I say in my head as I park my car upon arriving at the studio.

  They give me a red T-shirt but I am feeling really blue over the fact that I have to wake up so early on a Saturday morning.

  As the make up artist draws my eyebrows, I begin to suspect that he is trying to make my looks live up to my name, because he makes them so thick that I look like Crayon Shinchan.

  "We want you to be as crazy, as stupid, and as hyperactive as possible," Jessie says to the six of us contesting.

 Which means no acting required. Just be yourself. I make a mental note, at the same time feeling more cheerful - being paid for being yourself! What can be better?

  I team up with Ken, who, like me, have no idea what are we expected to do. We only know this game show is called Tu Dia! and will be aired on Hypp TV on 26th September,7.30pm when we arrive at the studio.

  You will never meet another law graduate as blur as me.

  "Now I want you to dance as you walk on the stage as I introduce you. Dance all the time. As crazy as you can. And never stop," Fairus, the host instructs us. 

  If I am not mistaken, you need to pay to watch HyppTV.

  Which means someone out there is paying to watch a person with two left feet dance on stage. I really want to laugh.

  For the first game we have to suck a spaghetti with our team mate with a can in between and bring it to the table a metre away. The objective is to bring as many cans over as possible. 

 Surprisingly Ken and I win. I suppose despite the fact that this is the first time we meet, our mouths are meant for each other.

  Gosh, what am I sayin - I really have to stop reading Fifty Shades of Gray. 

  For the second game we have to sit on a balancing beam and hit the other team with a pillow. Blind-folded. With your team member shouting instructions at you. The objective is to get the other person to fall from the balancing beam.

  Ken's opponent, Logen, almost falls but he clings on with his hands and feet while the rest of his body dangling below the balancing beam. For a brief moment I suspect that I have been magically teleported to Australia because Logen looks like a koala bear, minus the cuteness. I keep shouting at Ken to hit his feet so he falls but somehow Ken is not following my instructions. 

  What happens next is beyond my comprehension because Ken falls off the balancing beam with no one hitting him. It's as if he has suddenly decided to be kind and let others win.

  "You didn't give me orders!" he complains to me.

  "I did! But you didn't follow!" I protest.

  "Seriously? I can't hear a thing."

  I guess the headgear is sound proof. Why bother to ask us to shout instructions then?

  What happens next is really unfair. My opponent is Yusof, and he is the most muscular guy among us all. Now, really! Why would you team up a girl so weak that she can't even do one push up properly with the most muscular guy around?

  I conclude that this is arranged for higher TV ratings but I don't think I know anyone who actually watch HyppTV.

  Yusof's look is definitely deceiving because he is no gentleman. Far from being one actually. He hits me three times on my head - hard. I have no idea that pillows can hurt so much. They always look so welcoming on the bed. Even with the protective headgear, I still feel the pain, and I think he must have knocked away some of my IQ. Which is probably a good thing because I am sometimes of the opinion that my IQ is too high that it borders insanity.

  Of course, reality is a different story. The part about insanity is true though - a person who sings as she walks to LRT stations - if that is not insane, I don't know what is.

  So Ken and I lose the second round, which is really discouraging but there is still hope for us : The third round.

  Where he has to pump the balloon while I hold it. The first team to burst the balloon wins.

 "This is easy," he says to me excitedly. "Just use your nails."

  I was about to tell him that I don't keep long nails when Fairus starts passing out ridiculously thick gloves for the contestants who are going to hold the balloon.

  Ken pumps really hard and really fast but somehow the faster he pumps, the slower the balloon expands.

  This game is fixed. Something is wrong with our pump. I think angrily, conveniently forgetting the fact that Ken is the least muscular among the three male contestants.

  We end up third place. There are only three teams.

  As I drive home my cellphone rings. Angel calls me, asking me if I want to go to Universal Studio.

  "But it's so expensive."

  "I know, but we get to play!"

  Some people pay to play. Some are paid to play.

  Oh life, you never fail to amaze me with your irony.