Engagement Gift

Something I found in my laptop.

For heaven's, Shin, you write the most nonsensical nonsense.

*

“Jovanth –“ I scream, but it sounds like I am whispering. “Jovanth-“

I fall onto a pile of – I am not sure what is it called – I think they are called dried leaves? They are brown, in pieces and they look crumpled. I can’t walk anymore. I am just too tired, and I am hungry.

I am out of concentrated food pills and River-in-a-Flask. I don’t know what is edible and what is not. I remember reading in a book that these mini umbrellas – I think they are called vastshrooms – are edible, but I also remember reading somewhere that some of them are poisonous, so I dare not eat them.

I only eat bananas because I know be it yellow or green, they are all edible – just that the green ones taste somewhat funny. And I had eaten bananas in my life before. They were really expensive – two hundred and fifty eight Mercury dollars and seventy nine cents for a quarter of a banana - due to the fact that they were extremely rare. My family could only afford to eat it once in a month – one quarter of a banana to be shared among three of us.

It is quite a pleasant surprise that I actually get to eat more than a quarter of banana here. In fact, I am actually eating banana by bunch. I actually lost count of how many banana I wolf down. I eat until it starts giving me discomfort – I don’t know why, after having the seventh banana I feel there is plenty of air in my stomach and I know I have to stop. I suppose too much of a good thing is equivalent to disaster.

I also come across a red hairy fruit and I remember they are edible too. I think they are called ramaltans. The only difficulty I have in getting ramaltans is the fact that I don’t know how to climb trees, so I have to hit the tree with a stick repeatedly until the ramaltans fall down. You can’t blame me for not knowing how to climb trees because I have never seen one in my life. I am good at climbing skyscrapers, but they are smooth, they don’t have little six-legged red creatures (I think they are called hents) crawling on them and I climb them with skyscraper-sucker gloves and boots, which do not work on trees.

Trees are so mysterious that not even my grandmother had seen one in her entire life, and my grandmother is so old that I thought she should be placed in museum.

I only get to see real trees because of Jovanth, my crazy, adventurous, daring boyfriend.

“So - When are you going to get me an engagement ring?” I asked Jovanth when we were having fun air-skating at the newly launched theme park on Venus.

“Honestly, Schiya – what makes you think I will get you an engagement ring?” he asked in a way which I deemed lackadaisical.

I kicked him hard so he fell to the ground. It only took him seven seconds to bounce back – why did I have to get him such a good anti-gravity belt for Christmas? Should have gotten him ZP210, that model takes 3 minutes to bounce back once you fall, and it’s so much cheaper.

“I can explain –“ He rubbed his ribs but I kicked him again. At the same spot. I was a sadistic girlfriend.

“No Schiya – “

I kicked him to the ground again. Bullying him was one of my favorite past time.

“Listen, Schiya –“

I kicked him for the last time and flew away. An angry woman is a deaf woman.

He cuddled up to me as I ate ice cream alone at the café. I struggled but when he kissed my cheek, I softened and stopped fighting. His kisses never failed to calm me down.

“You know me,” He kissed my cheek again, and even though he did this countless times before I still found myself blushing. “Would I give you something as ordinary as an engagement ring?”

My eyes widened. So, he had something better planned! Oh Jovanth, I love you, I love you so much!

“Look at this, babe,” He pulled out a piece of folded paper from his pocket. Once it was unfolded I saw a picture of a round, green object with many thorns on it. “This is called a durian, king of fruits. It is legendary, no one has seen it in our times, but in the past it was extremely popular, and it holds magical power - whoever who eats it will gain courage, whereas the cowards flee upon hearing its name. Don’t you think this is way better than an engagement ring? Imagine – just you and I – embarking on a journey to find durian. The day we find one is the day we get engaged. Isn’t that romantic?”

Of all the men in the universe I had to fall in love with this idiot. My heart sank from the nine thousand and eighty seventh floor to basement.

“Jovanth,” I took a deep breath, trying to make myself sound calm when I was not. “An adventure to the middle of nowhere is not romantic.”

“But Schiya, you and I are adventurous. Adventure is our romance,” He insisted.

“For heaven’s sake Jo-“ He shut me up by kissing my lips, and I surrendered.

I must be the biggest idiot in the universe to fall in love with Jovanth.

*

So we packed (we couldn’t really figure out what would be needed, so it was basically just a couple of concentrated food pills, few bottles of River-in-a-Flask, laser-knife ring, Waze-scroll and flashlight-contact lenses) and started our journey to look for durian. According to Jovanth’s research, the best place to get durian is a little town called Bentong (located at Pahang, Malaysia) on Earth. We stole Jovanth’s family spaceship (I felt really guilty because I previously dented their spaceship) and travelled all the way from Mercury to Earth.

I had never been to Earth before. Maybe once when I was really young, but I could not remember anything. This place looked so different from the place I lived in.

No skyscrapers, for instance. The tallest building probably had only two hundred floors. There was no use for anti-gravity belt, or skyscraper-sucker gloves and boots.

Creepy, very creepy. I felt shiver down my spine.

“According to Waze-scroll, we are only 10 minutes away from durian estate,” Jovanth said. Sensing my fear, he squeezed me gently.

I love adventures, honestly I do. Which explained why I love Jovanth. But this was just too scary. I guess I am only adventurous within what I know.

It only took us minutes to reach the durian estate, and the first thing that came to my mind was “no, I will not go in.” I tugged Jovanth’s shirt and shook my head. He hugged me tightly and kissed my forehead.

“It’ll be fine,” He whispered into my ear.

“I hope you are right,” I sounded as if I was about to cry. I got a bad feeling that this would be the place that separated us.

Good prophecies never come true but the bad ones always do. Darkness loomed, we slept against a tree but somehow when the blinding light woke me up Jovanth was not by my side anymore. I panicked and I ran around like a mad woman and stopped doing so after some time because I realized that was not a good strategy as my energy drained out very soon. I tried to remain calm but whenever I saw creatures which I had never seen (I knew they were not dogs nor cats, these creatures had bushier tails) immediately I got covered in cold sweat, not knowing whether what was approaching me was a friend or a foe.

I walked and walked and walked. I had no idea how long I had walked. I kept calling out for Jovanth, but all I could hear was my own voice amplified and repeated numerous times.

“Jovanth-“

*

“Schiya? Schiya!” I feel something patting my face. Open my eyes slowly and in front of me – the idiot I missed – looking worried and clumsily feeding water into my mouth.

Once I regain my energy, I slap him.

“Ouch! What on earth was that for?” He yells.

“For disappearing. Where – did – you – go – do – you – know – how – worried – I – am – you – know – how – scared – I – felt – don’t – you – how – dare – you – leave – me – alone?” With every word I fire a punch at his chest, which he does not defend himself against.

Once I stop punching, he pulls me towards him and hugs me.

“I’m sorry, Schiya. I’m really sorry,” He squeezes me tighter and I almost can’t breathe. “But I know you are a strong girl, you are intelligent, you are brave, you can take care of yourself. That’s why I love you in the first place,” He looks into my eyes and I can see from the corner of his eyes he is smiling, which further annoys me. He pokes at my puffed up cheeks. He loves doing it when I get angry. As if he is eager to make me angrier.

“I saw durian leaves and I had to follow it’s trail,” He places a long, thin, green leaf on my hand.
“And I found durian. Follow me!”

When Jovanth gets excited he forgets everything, including me. He runs as if he is a fully fuelled NZ320 spaceship, totally forgetting that I am panting, lagging behind, trying hard to follow him.

“Ta-dah!” He stops abruptly and I almost run into him. “Isn’t this beautiful?”

In front of me I see many trees with durian hanging on them. Soft beam of yellow light shines through the leaves making the durians looking like emeralds. It is an incredible sight, something I had never seen in my life.

Too beautiful to be true. All the fear, the panic, this whole journey… It’s worth it.

I kiss Jovanth, which he reciprocates passionately.

“Thank you. Best engagement gift ever. I love you.”

“No, honey, that’s not the best. We haven’t taste it. “

Jovanth climbs up one of the trees clumsily and tries very hard to pluck a durian. Every inch of the fruit is covered with thorns hence making it difficult to be plucked.

That’s when I spot a durian under the tree.

“Come down!” I shout.

“Ahh, that’s perfect.”

Jovanth points his laser-knife ring at the durian to cut it open. We see something yellowish, and the next thing we know –

Stench.

I want to vomit.

“I’m not eating this,” I cover my nose. “No way.”

“But we came so far. And we want the courage gained by eating this, no?” His voice sounds funny with his nose covered.

“Come on Schiya. Just a bite,” he nudges.

I hesitate.

Why must our engagement gift be something so awful? I hate myself for loving this guy.
Jovanth places some of the yellow flesh in his mouth and his face brightens up.

“This taste much better than it smells, Schiya.”

I’m not sure whether if I should believe him. After all, he was the prankster who pretended that wasabi was the best thing on earth just to get me to taste it, and he laughed so hard when my tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably, begging for water.

Reading my mind, he laughs. “I’m serious, honey. Have some.”

He forces the yellow flesh into my tightly closed mouth. I back off but his other hand has my head wrapped tightly so I cannot escape. Like parents forcing their children to take medicine, he pinches my nose and once I open my mouth in reflex action to breathe, he shoves the yellow flesh into my mouth and covers my mouth with his hands.

Many vulgar words find their way to my mind and I swear I am going to use them all on him but once my taste bud reacts to the taste I change my mind.

Hakuna matata, what a wonderful taste.

“Would you marry me?” for the first time in my life, I sense that Jovanth actually sounds nervous.

I kiss him, again and again. There is no need for words.

*

We end up residing in Bentong after marriage. Durian made us fall in love with Earth. It is a quiet peaceful little planet and we actually work hard for living.

No robots to serve us. We learn to wash clothes, wash dishes, cook and a number of other chores (and yes, we can now climb trees skillfully). Tough initially, but Youtube, Google and Pininterest had provided us with useful tips and we slowly learn to adapt.

It’s a shame that us homo sapiens had abandoned our planet after destroying it to satisfy their whims and fancies. It’s a shame that us homo sapiens never bother to return to their home. It’s a shame that us homo sapiens forgot how beautiful their home is.

Jovanth and I, we really enjoy watching stars at night and waking up early to watch the sun rise and to listen to the birds chirping. We take long strolls along the beach and we run barefoot on grass. We bath in the sea and we sing our songs as we pluck mushrooms in the jungle (oh yes, now I can differentiate the edible ones from the poisonous).

“Baby,” I said with my nose on his and my arms around his neck, “This is so romantic. I wish others are here too.”

“I know,” He plants a kiss on my lips. “I have the same wish.”

“Remember how durian made us fall crazily in love?”

“You mean…” He raises one of his eyebrows.

“You know me. I was a marketing student.”

“Got it,” He laughs. “Let’s start working!”

*

Jovanth and I, I have to say, we are perfect match. We come up with engagement tour package and we travel back to Mercury to advertise it.

As we are very familiar with Earth now (Bentong especially), we can guide people around to ensure our tour package is safe. The success rate for proposals are high (as expected) which attracts more couples to join our tour.

People come, they fall in love with durian, and more importantly, they fall in love with Earth.

We see people shifting to Earth, including our parents.

“You know something, Jo?” I ask, as I watch people having fun swimming in the sea and strolling on the beach.

“Hmm?”
“That durian idea of yours? Best engagement gift.”

Diary (for The Writer's Tower, June 2014, Theme : Mirror)

A good friend just broke up and she was crying hysterically. I hugged and patted her for quite some time before she calmed down.

A French guy aged 27 fell in love with a Malaysia girl aged 40.

No, these two events are in no way related to each other. I just happen to have a weird train of thought.

Love is a funny thing no?


*
Title : Diary
For The Writer's Tower, June 2014, theme : Mirror.

18th February 2008

As usual we did not follow our colleagues for lunch. They loved going to The Ship; something temporary staff like us could not afford.

We were talking about the boys (or girls, in Jack's case) who had chased us. Carina told us about the boys who chased her; some boys even followed her home.

"Interesting stories from Carina," I said when we took the escalator back to office.

"I don't understand why so many boys would chase her," Jack replied.

"Because she's pretty I guess?"

"I don't think she is. You are prettier. Much prettier."

That night I stared at my reflection in the mirror for a very long time, smiling so widely that my face almost cracked.

21st February 2008

Standing in front of the mirror, I tried very hard to put mascara. I wanted to look perfect for our first date.

It was my fifth attempt but I still looked like I had spider legs clumped together on my lashes.

Jack was quite metrosexual and he knew more about fashion and makeup than me.

Wiping it off I tried again. I won't give up.

22nd March 2008

I walked towards the bookstore alone, face still red. His manly taste lingered on my lips.

That was my first French kiss. My first French kiss. My first French kiss.

We were in his car camwhoring. When he showed me the pictures we took he accidentally showed me a picture of him and his ex.

Maybe I was jealous. Maybe he was guilty. He hastily deleted the picture and then we...

It was rude to open your eyes when you were French kissing but I couldn't help it. I opened my eyes and saw him kissing me passionately in the mirror.

There was nothing to do except reciprocating.

His arms were on my waist and then they moved upwards.

My mind went blank completely. Should I stop him? We were doing this in his car. In an open car park. Anyone can see us.

Perhaps reading my mind, he withdrew his hands and stop kissing - rather abruptly and there was something in his demeanour that suggested he was pissed.

"My parents are overseas. We can have the whole house to ourselves," he suggested.

"I - I need to get something from the bookstore," I didn't know what I was saying, but I knew I had to say something. "See you!"

Got out of his car before he could say anything and walked away as fast as I could.

1st April 2008

A new girl called Orange joined our department. Rumours spread fast in office and soon everyone knew she was the kind of slut who would sleep with anyone with a dick.

Not sure if I was being paranoid but I felt neglected.

While touching up with my compact powder I caught a glimpse of him guiding Orange with her new job.

Not sure if my eyes were deceiving me but his arms seemed to be touching her breasts.

And it looked like it was accidental on purpose.

5th May 2008

Standing in front of the full length mirror naked, I hated everything I saw.

Flabby tummy. Panda eyes. Dull skin. Small breasts. Thick thighs. Puffy eyes.

You are fat and ugly, I told myself. You sucks. You deserve to be dumped.

Woke up four times in the middle of the night without alarm. Each time I would be playing Sean Kingston's Beautiful Girl and cried while listening.

That was our song. Then it became their song.

He promised I would never experience the pain of breaking up. He promised I would never have an ex-boyfriend. He promised we would be celebrating birthdays and anniversary till the day I die.

I threw away all the folded and torn receipts in my handbag. He loves paper planes and he taught me a method of folding paper plane that somersaults halfway flying.

Gone were the days when he patiently taught me which part of the receipt I had to tear to achieve the desired flying result, I thought bitterly, tears falling down uncontrollably again.

18th February 2014

"You are not perfect," Zac says. I pretend to be angry. "But that's what makes you perfect."

Zac and I, we have been together for six years and still counting. He is much shorter than me, a little plump and wearing nerdy glasses. No one in their right mind will consider him handsome.

But he is such a fun guy to be with. He is romantic, humorous, full of surprises but most importantly, he is loyal.

Being a religious Christian, he also believes that we should not have sex before marriage.

Six years and his love for me had not changed since the day he asked me to be his girlfriend.

"Let's take a selfie," he says suddenly, after I finish my durian cream puff. He hates the smell of durian but he never stop me from eating durian.

Unlike some other guy I know, Zac respects me.

"I thought you hate selfie," I laugh. He thinks duckface is the dumbest thing in the world.

"Not when you are involved."

I take out my mirror to tidy up myself. Just tidying the hair as I don't have any makeup on. Zac thinks I'm beautiful without any makeup on.

My reflection looks happy.